Blonde and the Western
A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on.
The husband says to his wife, "I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead," "You're on," returned his wife.
They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon ... dead.
The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food.
After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this movie before."
She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too.
But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...."
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
She responded, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang.
"Who is it?"
"Blind man," came the response.
Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door.
The man's jaw dropped and he stammered, "Wh-where do you want me to put these blinds, lady?"
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
Her boyfriend was also blonde.
One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment.
She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command.
Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty.
Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't.
"I have made a new discovery!" the blonde cried. "When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!"
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up!
A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action.
The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?"
The blonde sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..."
The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff.
Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, "Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!"
The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited.
After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up.
The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun.
The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving.
The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind.
The brunette frantically asked the blonde, "What the hell happened in there?!?"
The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!"
The brunette paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC.
A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before.
Cassie bought each one a bag.
The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" replied the curious brother
"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."
A blonde was filling out a job application form. She quickly filled out the columns entitled: Name, Age, Address, etc.
Finally, she came to the column: Salary Expected.
She wrote, "YES."
What did the blonde do when he heard that 90% of accidents occur within five miles of home?
He moved ten miles away.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?